just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
