We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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