So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
