I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
