Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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