You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
