can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Found your dick twin last night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
