The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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