Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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