"it" just moved
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
