somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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