how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
