Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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