He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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