I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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