I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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