I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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