My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
