fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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