I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
