This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
