We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
