She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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