we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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