he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I supernannyed him into submission
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
