i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
