umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
