The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
