I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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