If i come over, it means nothing
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
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