now i know why i became what i already was.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
