We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
