we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
