so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize