ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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