TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He felt like a one man threesome
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
