You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
