also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
