i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
