Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
