he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
