and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
