Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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