Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
