i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
