so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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