hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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