Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
