I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
