In the future we'll all be gay
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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