That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
