break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
