I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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