I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
now i know why i became what i already was.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
