i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
