oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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