can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
