she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
