I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
