I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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