You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
