somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i came on her dog
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
