Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
