if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This is the high leading the old right now
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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