I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
